Beneath the Masque Redux

Sometimes I sit watching her
Wondering what makes her tick
Why does she do the things she does
Why does she put up with so much shit
I know she feels the pain
I've watched her cry
Seen her heartbreak in her eyes
Felt the weight of despair
Settling on her chest
Making it hard to breathe

I've watched her put the masque in place
Seen her pretend it covers everything up
But I can see the cuts and scratches
Hastily covered with the bandages
Still seeping blood, still heated with pain
The wounds she manages to smile through
And I wonder how she bears it
Because I know that it must hurt like hell
When those you love attack and shred
Leaving you swimming in confusion and pain

I've heard her weeping in the greatest of despair
Only to watch her hide it when anyone is near
And this I don't understand even more
She gets hurt, they apologize, and she forgives
No matter how deep she has been wounded
She never holds her blood over their heads
When sometimes I really wish she would
Wish she'd show them how deep she hurts
Not let them off so easily when they explain
Not be so quick to forgive when they apologize

But she does none of these things
And it perplexes me
Even more so each time it happens
She tucks everything deep inside her
Shows a brave face to the world
Avoids them all when she can no longer
Fight the tears that overwhelm her
She cries in the darkness
Where no one else can see
She doesn't want them upset
So she hides her pain from them
Crying long after she's told them
That everything is okay

I watch her now, tears slipping down her cheeks
Hands shaking as she goes about her business
I watch her struggling to breathe as it pains her
But I know that she will not complain, only endure
She rereads the same page twice as she weeps
Trembling fingers mistyping the commands
I can see her eyes are clouded from memory
Yet she doesn't stop with what she is doing
She continues to do her duties with her tears

I lean against the wall and watch her
Wishing I knew what to do to stop her pain
Would sacrifice anything to give her peace
To help with the love that wounds her
But she never asks for my help
Never even whispers her needs out loud
Just sits there typing with determination
Even as her tears hit the keyboard in front of her...

~Seraphiel~