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Shuffled Thoughts
-----------------
I stare into the mirror and wonder what they see when they look at me
I wonder why I cannot see the same things they claim to see in me
I move back to the room and sit in the dark on my bed
Trying to ignore the feelings of loneliness that overwhelm me
The world moves on around me and I feel like I am lost in the shuffle
Like I'm being ignored and replaced and left out in the cold
I hurt so deep inside and there is no escape from the pains and fears
So many people tell me to call on them when I need them
So I do, but they never come when I ask them to
Not even the one that I expected to when I said I needed
It hurts, because they say they feel shut out when I don't turn to them
Yet when I try to turn to them, I get only emptiness in return
So I lay down and I feel myself getting chills in the dark
The tears in my eyes becoming intimate with the pillows around me
I don't understand how they can want to have it both ways
They can't get upset with me for not telling them I need them
When they make no attempt to show when I do tell them I need them
Don't they understand how hard it is for me to reach out right now
Only to be ignored or have lame excuses made in exchange
This causes my imagination to run away with me
Paying tribute to my illogical doubts and fears
Why is it that everything I mean to say comes out so wrong
How is it that I can give the impression of wanting a fight
It hurts because I don't understand what is going on all around me
It burns because no one else seems to be able to understand either
In trying to talk and be honest and point out things I need to say
I give the idea that I am combative and looking for a fight
It makes me wonder if I see things around me as they are
Or if what they think they see is the reality I have become
So many things going on around me
So many people seeming to fall apart at the seams
I guess I shouldn't be so very surprised at what is happening
My turn was bound to come up sooner or later
It makes me curse, it makes me cry, I just don't get them sometimes
The flip side is that I guess they don't get me, either
In all of the pain, in all of the madness
You would think something would go right for me every so often
Then I wonder if I'm just asking too damn much sometimes
I don't know any more, I'm second guessing every thing I say or do
And I hate how it makes me feel inside
But sometimes I think it's better for me to be torn apart inside
Than to take the risk of hurting someone I care about
Which seems to be all that I am doing lately
Either with words or with actions
And hurting the ones I love is not what I had intended.
~Seraphiel
-----------------
I stare into the mirror and wonder what they see when they look at me
I wonder why I cannot see the same things they claim to see in me
I move back to the room and sit in the dark on my bed
Trying to ignore the feelings of loneliness that overwhelm me
The world moves on around me and I feel like I am lost in the shuffle
Like I'm being ignored and replaced and left out in the cold
I hurt so deep inside and there is no escape from the pains and fears
So many people tell me to call on them when I need them
So I do, but they never come when I ask them to
Not even the one that I expected to when I said I needed
It hurts, because they say they feel shut out when I don't turn to them
Yet when I try to turn to them, I get only emptiness in return
So I lay down and I feel myself getting chills in the dark
The tears in my eyes becoming intimate with the pillows around me
I don't understand how they can want to have it both ways
They can't get upset with me for not telling them I need them
When they make no attempt to show when I do tell them I need them
Don't they understand how hard it is for me to reach out right now
Only to be ignored or have lame excuses made in exchange
This causes my imagination to run away with me
Paying tribute to my illogical doubts and fears
Why is it that everything I mean to say comes out so wrong
How is it that I can give the impression of wanting a fight
It hurts because I don't understand what is going on all around me
It burns because no one else seems to be able to understand either
In trying to talk and be honest and point out things I need to say
I give the idea that I am combative and looking for a fight
It makes me wonder if I see things around me as they are
Or if what they think they see is the reality I have become
So many things going on around me
So many people seeming to fall apart at the seams
I guess I shouldn't be so very surprised at what is happening
My turn was bound to come up sooner or later
It makes me curse, it makes me cry, I just don't get them sometimes
The flip side is that I guess they don't get me, either
In all of the pain, in all of the madness
You would think something would go right for me every so often
Then I wonder if I'm just asking too damn much sometimes
I don't know any more, I'm second guessing every thing I say or do
And I hate how it makes me feel inside
But sometimes I think it's better for me to be torn apart inside
Than to take the risk of hurting someone I care about
Which seems to be all that I am doing lately
Either with words or with actions
And hurting the ones I love is not what I had intended.
~Seraphiel
