Reflections in C Flat

Reflections in C Flat
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I heard a song on my car radio
It was from a tape I had made many moons ago
In a time when it seemed all I had were tears
And I found that I was in tears again
But it was different this time
So many memories flooding back to me

A tape made in sadness and depression
One that made so many things seem clear
Eightteen songs of love and friendship gone wrong
But the song that struck me like a blow
Was one that you had introduced me to
About leaving and starting over and hurting

It made me remember a time when we could talk
When we called each other friend and lover
When we were never far from each other's thoughts
A time when I could rely on you to be there
And you knew I'd always give it to you straight
Before other things came between us

"What came between us, maybe we were just too young to know"
If we had known how it would all end up
Would we have done things any differently
Could you have been more supportive and comforting
Could I have tried to communicate things a little clearer
Would it have made things any better

If we had been a little older, a little stronger
Would we have handled things in a more mature way
Or would we have done it all the same
Would we have been stupid all over again
Both with too much pride to bend even a little
Both too stubborn to alter even a little

Would you still have buried yourself in too much work
Both from school and your stint in retail hell
Then sitting in front of your computer
Crawling into your bottle every night
Filling your bowl, smoking it dowmn
Never noticing the distress I was trying to handle

Would I have still buried everything inside
Danced along the edge of total destruction
Taking off my clothes in neon-lit dens of hell
Turning to tequila and powder-lined mirrors
Killing myself an inch at a time
Too blind to understand that you didn't have all of the answers

We were both whores to different masters
You to your friends, your ideals and your booze
Me to a demon who would tell me he wanted me
People who said they cared, and snow with razor blades
You became the epitome of societal perfection
While I sought the path of destruction in a blaze of glory

Our paths crossed again with so many wounds still bleeding
You in a three-piece suit with every hair in immaculate place
Me looking feral in paint, heels and gauze
You condemned me with your eyes as you raised your glass
I responded by "desecrating' songs that had meant so much to us
We could have handled things so much better but we didn't even try

Somehow, we started communicating again
Not so much verbally, but you wanted what I had learned
( ---All those years you never knew
---All the things that I could do
---I keep them in a hidden place
---So I can rub them in your face)
And while you whored for the bottle
I whored for you in our private lives
I was good enough to fuck, good enough to crave
But no longer good enough to forge anything stronger with

We were nothing but children
Lashing out like only children can
Drink and fuck, fight and lie, curse and cry
Then something happened that was unforseen
You reacted in a way that I couldn't begin to accept
I withdrew and fled in a direction you couldn't fathom

It's been thirteen years since I met you
Nine years since I've seen you
I no longer have any anger towards you
No longer any bitterness
Just a deep rooted sadness
Over the friendship and love that pride destroyed

I hope life has been good to you
I hope you found the life you so craved
I hope you found someone to make you happy
Who loves you as I once truly did
Isis be with you my old love
And I hope you are at peace in your world.

~Seraphiel
Original date written, unknown.