I Remember

[eternalscribe]

I Remember

It was all so vivid
Almost not a dream at all
Everything was so clear
So realistic
But I couldn't wake up
Couldn't escape the memory

It was a memory I could have done without
I was happy not knowing
Not seeing his eyes
Not feeling his breath as he spoke
Not smelling the things around us
Not remembering the fear

Was I really ever so young
Living dangerously
Not as wary as I should have been
That he managed to snare me
Drag me in
Used my fear to entangle me

I remember his breath
Cigarette smoke mixed with Jim Beam
And he held me down
Kept me at his feet
Told me what would happen
If I didn't obey

I felt his hand
As it connected with my face
A simple warning
Precursor of what would come later
For disobedience
For not performing as he wished

I could see his eyes
Light color that would darken
Whenever he became angry
Usually with me
Usually at me
Over some imagined slight

I remember the tears
Not understanding why it was all wrong
Why couldn't I get it right
Make him happy like he wished
No matter what I did
Punishment was always waiting

I could taste the fear
Recalling what he used to bind me
Keep me in place
At his side never to stray
Never to resist or fight back
Pretending all was all right

Waking up
Alone in my bedroom
Turn on all of the lights
Turn on the TV
Sit on my bed in tears
Trying to banish the fear

I remember him now
Remember what he did
Remember the scars
Remember the fear
I remember it now

But I really wish I didn't.


~Muse
June 30, 2009